For All I've Been Given

I have so much. They have so little. I put worth and importance all to often in material possessions, while they have one, maybe two, pairs and clothing and sometimes not even enough food to feed their family. I worry about my aircon not working while they live in a cave in the side of a mountain. I get tired of sweating while unpacking suitcases full of clothes and shoes and other beautiful things so I sit in front of a fan blowing on my face. They could only dream about electricity. I put away books that I haven't read in a long time. Many of them can't even read. I upload pictures from my awesome camera. Would they ever have that? What do they have? What do they need? Do they need all these things I have? Do I need all these things that I have?

No. Not really. We need food and water to keep us alive. Shelter from the elements might be a welcome touch. Some clothes could be desired. But really what we all need, what I need to bring to them, is Jesus. His love, His care, His provision. The knowledge that they, and I, can have a true and strong and lasting and amazing relationship with Him.

Before I came to Korea, I was quite proud of myself that I downsized to a big suitcase, a little suitcase, a backpack, and two bins. That was my life. I threw out 5 large trash bags full of stuff.

Then I come here and I see that, compared to others, I don't have as many clothes (though I have many!) and I don't have as many shoes. I don't have as much jewelry or purses or perfumes or nail polish or... I need to buy more. I need to be changing my outfits more to fit in better. I need to stop wearing and using the same things and get more. I need to spend more money. So, I spend, quite carelessly at times, money that I don't need to be spending. And then, as a result, I have more. Now as I unpack my house at the beginning of a new school year, I realize how much I have. I see how much I've spent. I realize that I could have used that money to save for the future, sponsor a child, help someone in need, or just give it back to God in the offering at church. Sure, I've done those things, but not nearly as much as I could have and should have. This makes me ashamed. This shows me how much focus I've put in possessions.

And then, like He does, Jesus lifts up my face. He reminds me that I can start over. That it's never too late to start focusing more on what matters. On what lasts. To some, having this much might seem like it's not a problem. But for me, who wants to open an orphanage in China (and that takes money) this is a problem. This is me being a bad steward of my money and time. And so, I pray that God will forgive me for this and help me focus on what's truly important. Instead of shopping, spend time with HIm. INstead of spending, save. Save for the beautiful Chinese children that I already love even though I haven't met them.

Today I'm feeling a bit under the weather. I didn't go to church, but an online sermon will take it's place. I should feel overwhelmed by all I have to do in my house, but I'm not. I know that God will help me to get it all done. I'm excited for a new school year because I want God to use me to help change kids lives. I want to do show and tell every day. Show them Jesus in my life and use my voice to tell them of His love. As much as a strongly miss China, I'm content. I am really content. I know I'm needed here and I know I'll be used here for God's will. China can wait while I serve God in Korea. I'll be back. Someday. :)